So I was shown the 30 Days of Truth by Sadie I haven’t decided if I should thank her yet or go to her house and kick her rear end yet. But I’m doing it. I’m not necessarily going to do it every day I may spread it out with posts in between I many not. Retrograde is seriously screwing with me this time and my normal level of ADHD is sky high. Oh look a butterfly. See I’m all over the place. Even as I write this I just got an IM that said “Stop tweeting and write”

So without further ado here we go.

Day One – Something you hate about yourself

Something I hate about myself. It’s really hard for me to pinpoint it down to just one. To be honest there are a lot of things that could make that list. My Weight, my looks, my medical issues. I’ve sat here for quite awhile trying to pinpoint the one I “hate” the most. Hate is such a strong word too. It’s thrown around way too easily these days. For this though I’m going to have to say that I try and keep everyone happy. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing in certain situations. But over all it can cause even more problems.

I find myself saying yes to a lot of things and it’s not that I don’t want to do it. I do. I just can’t fit it all in to a time frame that’s humanly possible. I want to spend time with my kids and my family. I want to spend time talking to my best friend. I want to spend time talking with my sisters. I want to spend time goofing off and having fun with the Roleplay group I’m in (Yes I said Roleplay group. ~points to self~ Geek here remember?) I want to play Warcraft with various people and have fun.

That’s a whole lot of wants and there are only 24 hours in the day. The more I say yes the more I feel like I’m being pulled like a rubber band, twisting and tightening until eventually I snap. Snapping is either just that, snapping at people I care about, or crashing where I go to sleep insanely early for me. No matter what I do though I’m disappointing someone. I can’t keep everyone happy and I hate myself for that. I want to be in six places at once and it just doesn’t work. It’s not physically possible. I’ve been known to do it to the point where I stay up way to late talking to people and after awhile my body get pissy with me and I get sick, or run down or just generally cranky.

Will I learn to say no? I don’t know. Probably not. I can’t stand someone being unhappy/disappointed when there was something I could have done to prevent it. Especially when me saying no could have cause it to begin with. Will the rubber band snap again., most likely. Some things are harder to change then others.

I haven’t been big on updating this for awhile now. So many things have been going on behind the scenes that I just don’t talk about on here. I tweet rarely and when I do it tends to be goofing off with a few people. This summer has been so crazy starting with when I burned my leg. I’ve had posts in my head but by the time I remember to try and write them they are gone from my head and the stuff I do remember I really can’t/don’t want to post about.

So yes I burned my leg pretty bad right before the kids got out of school. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to be eating soup for lunch in June. It spilled on my leg and I ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Which is a big bummer when you are supposed to go to the beach for a week a week and a half after you do this. A good majority of our summer plans were scrapped because of this and I looked like the leg of a mummy. It’s healed up really well though. the kids have started to call me stripe because of the discoloration on it. I missed my tattoo so that was good.

This summer has been filled with medical problems and nightmares for several people close to me and frankly I’m ready for all that to stop.

I have a group of girls that I’ve become really close with. We consider each other sisters. I have two groups of sisters. One group has been friends for years. We all met in the same place. We have the ups and downs that any group of sisters have but when it matters most we are all there in an instant, however we can be in spite of the distance that separates us. They are all just a phone call or text message away. We try and get all of us together once a year but it doesn’t always happen but we enjoy it when we can. I don’t know what I’d do without these girls

My other group of sisters is just the same but completely different at the same time. These girls have helped me more then I can say. They are also only a text message or phone call away if I ever need them. Again we all met in the same place. We all have out ups and downs.

Yes I know I’m rambling. The bottom line is I don’t know what I’d do without these girls and I love them all for completely different reasons.

GO VOTE NOW!!

It raises money for Susan G Komen. So Go Vote NOW!!!!

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve participated in Weekly Winners. But our recent trip to the beach I was able to take a few pictures that I think came out pretty well. (click the pictures to make them bigger)

For more great pictures head on over to the fabulous creator of Weekly Winners and check out Lotus’ blog as well

First off I have a new look? You like? I do. Sarah at Redefining Perfect made it for me!!

Well I’ve made it through the last month with nothing but Betty White posts. Not that there is anything wrong with Betty White but I’m thinking it’s time for a little more content then that. I thought I had pulled myself completely out of the pit of despair a few weeks back but I really hadn’t. The last few months I’ve sort of been on automation really. I tried to block out as much of the real world as I could and hid in a fictional one (RP group). One where I could be anything I wanted and things would be okay in the end but even there I find the same real life constraints and issues. Out of that group though came friends that I couldn’t see my life without now.

So I’m trying to move forward and mend some fences and keep going. I’ve got a few things I’m working on and hopefully I’ll be able to share them soon. First I want to see if they take off at all. I can say that The Modern Pagan is coming back we are reworking some things with the staff but we are coming back. And I’m happy about that. So if you know any pagan writers please send them our way

I have so much more running around in my head right now that just won’t come out at the moment. So I’m just going to pause for now and work on some of the other things I need to get done today.