So yeah haven’t posted in over a week. Shocked? No me either. I feel like my head is spinning lately. I seem to be living so much up in my head right now (Yeah me and air never had this close of a relationship before). All these idea and thoughts rolling around in my head that I just can’t seem to get out on paper…or in any other form for that matter. I know…I need to ground. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m having a REALLY hard time doing that lately. Beltane is usually the time of the year when everything starts to fall into place for me. Ideas start to settle and bloom. I start to feel more energized and refreshed. This year…I don’t know what it is but I feel like I have an almost constant energy drain on me. I just can’t seem to catch up with it. Every time I seem to get close to pinpointing it…it seems to shift and change.

I’m pretty sure my pendulum and I have had a falling out. I did a reading with it recently and it gave me a very affirmative yes to the question…it was wrong. My stomach has been in knots ever since. I can’t seem to shake it either. I did a tarot reading that night as well and as far as I know that has gone wel…but I still can’t shake the other one. I know there are SO many factors involved. Maybe that was the answer at the time…something changed their minds. The list goes on and on. But in this case…I can’t get rid of that nagging feeling. I also can’t bring myself to pick it up again. So for now it’s tucked away safely awaiting the time it’s speaking to me again.

Hmmm No one wanted any free gifts from my Pay it Forward post. I’ve decided that I’m just going to randomly make five things then and give them to people. I’ve already picked up some fabric to work on some of it.

So I’m just a bunch of random babbling today. I have another project that will be debuting soon. Just need a few more minor things and I’ll be able to announce it. I have to say that the ladies that I am working with on this are all an inspiration to me in one way or another.

With that said…time for me to make some dinner.

Today started as one of those days that I wished I could do over. I was frustrated. I had heard the alarm but “blinked” and next thing I knew my husband was shaking me telling me it was time for me to LEAVE for work. So I pulled myself out of bed and threw my clothes on. Splashed some water on my face, pulled my hair into a ponytail and ran out the door…without my lunch or my drink…heck even my change. I was already saying this was going to be a bad day. The day continued much in the same fashion. Ran to pick up Lunch and dropped my bottle of water as I tried to get back in the car and watched it roll away from me in the parking lot. Got my oldests son’s days mixed up for something makine me feel like an idiot.

Then I got back to my desk with my lunch and dented and scratched up bottle of water. A few emails back and forth with my BFF and a few deep breaths and I started to relax a little. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath and asked the Goddess to get me through the rest of this day. I realized I was putting out major amounts of negative energy. That’s not good for me or anyone else around me. So I sat there and I said “Goddess if you are trying to test me today…you are succeeding…but what are you trying to teach me.” The answer rang loud and clear.

I’ve been too had on myself…well a whole lot lately. I know I drive my husband and BFF up a wall with it. I’ll call myself names and say I was stupid or I did something wrong. It’s old “programming”. From being with my ex-husband who breeds negativity and who’s chief talent is making people feel less then they really are. It’s time to break that cycle…that habit. I am worth more then that. To myself, to my family, to the people I surround myself with.

I believe it’s time I start researching and looking for MY Goddess. The one that speaks to me. She has so many different forms. I know I’m drawn to some of the darker goddesses, Isis, Hecete…It’s time to find my Goddess and spirit guides. It’s time to get together with one of my favorite witches Tara and work on Reiki. It’s time to come completely out of the broom closet and find my place.