I am still planning on doing my Tools of the trade post later today but I wanted post while I had this in my head. I think it’s definitely a time for reevaluation in my life right now. There are things…people…that are holding me back and dragging me down. I need to cut the unnecessary things out of my life. The things…and people who have been deceitful with me…or lied. The ones that have just stuck around for information. Kind of like cutting the cord on a larger scale. I have people on friends lists on LJ, Myspace, MSN that I haven’t talked to in Months…hell some over a year. What purpose are they serving in my life? Others that I have spoken to but it just feels strained and forced. Again…What’s the purpose? It’s an energy drainer that I just don’t need. I need to focus on me and my family and protecting them as best I can from those that wish to harm us.

Almost a year ago I was taking classes at a local metaphysical shop. We had Witchcraft 101 and 102 classes. Our teacher was amazing. (I’ve mentioned Tara before…and probably will many more times) The energy in the room after class was infectious. I would go home practically buzzing. (You get 10-11 witches chantiing a spell as you study the element of air and you will definitely go home with an energy high!) Anyway…after that the shop started branching out in their classes. One of the first ones they offered was Hoodoo. Now if you look up Hoodoo on the Llewellyn Encyclopedia (I’m only going to repost certain portions that pertain to my pndering here since I have the link to the page right above it…lol) It talks about the following:

Like most traditions of folk magic, hoodoo directs its workings primarily toward success in everyday life. Spells for drawing money, winning at gambling, attracting a mate or keeping one from straying, avoiding legal troubles, or winning court cases play a substantial role in the hoodoo repertoire. Methods for cursing or “crossing” another person are also an important part of the tradition, and there is a correspondingly rich lore of spells for “uncrossing” or countering curses, either by preventing hostile magic from being used in the first place by nullifying spells that have already been set in motion, or by “turning the trick” (that is, sending the spell back on its originator).

Now I admit I was interested in it at the time. I wanted to learn everything I possibly could. I was practically like a sponge. But I missed the first class. My son was extremely sick. I figured I could make it up later and get with the teacher to see what I had missed. Well then the next week my Oldest was extremely sick. And I missed that class too. Keep in mind there was a yahoo group and I was kept up to date with what I was missing… Class three was coming up the next week and one of the homework assignments was to collect Graveyard Dirt. And it’s exactly what it sounds like. Dirt…from a graveyard. This gave me pause. But the teacher seemed nice enough. She was friends with Tara…sure…why not. Well needless to say things kept coming up and I never made it to the classes. Looking back I see this was a HUGE flashing neon sign that I just wasn’t supposed to take those classes.

Anyway I’m babbling and not getting to the point. Well the person that I “cut the cord” with grabbed onto hoodoo and held onto it like a little kid who didn’t want their toy taken away. They embraced it. Now they are close with my ex husband who I have court proceedings coming up with. She’s been prominent in my dreams lately and they haven’t been happy go lucky dreams either. They have been ugly and hateful and downright scary!! I’m beginning to wonder if they have been using this in the “curse” fashion they learned in those classes. Now the question is what to do in order to protect myself and my family and keep myself within the Rede. I don’t want to harm anyone…but I need to protect my family…

Well today is the first day of the challenge. I was hoping to have something insightful to post, but the caffeine hasn’t quite kicked in yet.

Last night went pretty well. We met some friends and took the kids trick or treating over by their house. The kids had a good time. We got home and got them in bed. BD hung out downstairs and I went upstairs to meditate and do a small ritual for Samhain.

I love this time of year…It’s when I always feel the presence of my Grandparents the closest. This year seemed to be more though. Maybe because we are in our house now and away from the old place and the ex and all his negativity and negative energy. But this year if I concentrated hard enough I swear I could hear my grandfather’s voice. I could smell my grandmother…even over the insence and candles I had burning. There was another presence in the house last night as well. It’s a male presence, I believe it was BD’s Dad.

After that I meditated for a little while. That was a little strange. Typically in years past anything I might see either in meditation or my dreams on Samhain come to be in one way or another. Not necessarily within that year…but they do. I was standing on my front lawn with my dear Sadiekins. I had a baby on my hip. Who’s baby? That I don’t know. I know it wasn’t Sadie’s…but that is all I know. I gather from what we were doing the kids were playing on the front lawn, but I’m not entirely sure. After that it got a little strange…It was like I was ripped from that to a spot I’ve only been at once before. It was the place I used for a ritual to “cut the cord” with someone who used to be in my life but it was unhealthy to keep them there…even in my heart and dreams. I let them go with light and love when I did…but the connection had to be severed. Anyway…I was ripped from standing there with Sadie and to that place again. She was standing there before me. Anger on her face and the green taint I had seen flowing through her before was still there as prominent as ever…maybe moreso. What looked like the end of the cord I had cut month’s prior was dangling from her chest. If it was possible her face twisted up in even more anger and the cord shot straight at me and tried to reattach itself. I fought with it…trying to keep it away the best I could.

Suddenly I felt what I thought was BD’s hands on my shoulders shaking me lightly and my eyes flew open yanking me out of that medetative start….talk about a headrush.

Still wondering what it was…if it was her or something else. Until I do I’ve put up mental mirrors to keep unwanted things out.

Must contimplate it more…